brain muscle strain

have you ever thought? I mean so much that it kinda hurts and you feel dizzy?

I've been like that through the last week or so. Its like there's so much going on in my brain that conversations i have, even important ones with people i care about, seem like they're coming at me through a funnel and I'm just catching a few words because my brain is being so loud. I think in circles and my mood goes around with them. I think about all sorts of things: work; study; inspiration; the future; coffee; jewellery; my own abilities; resumes; research; organising; money...etc.

Its all a bit random to put here. It doesn't go away and let me sleep. I feel motivated one moment, and gloomy the next. I think of all the things I should have done, been, said. I think of all the things I could do, be say, achieve. I think of how to do it all and how lost I am when it comes to doing it. I think I don't have the courage. I think I'm to angry not to do something. I think I'll fail, or that even if some things change, the important stuff wont. And just what is the important stuff? What are my priorities? Are they right, am I doing this right?!

I should count my blessings. freedom, family, friends, love, kinship, health, home, stability. I should be happy with these things. I am happy with these things. There are other things in the way though. things that drag me away from feeling good about what I've got and make me feel sad about where I am, where I spend my time and in what mental state. Its unhealthy. Its frustrating, and unfair.

Does everybody feel this way sometimes? maybe I'm mental, or have a disorder brought on by unfulfillment. don't most of us feel that way some time? like its not enough, like there should be something, somewhere, better for us to be. there has to be something better. If there's not I don't think I could stand it.

And now that last sentence looks like I'm suicidal. I'm not. I could never be. I guess I have some courage after all because I could never consider that an option. So that leaves me with change. Making a change. No one else will do it for me. I have to take that grain of courage and make a change. Pick a direction, make a break. Stop. Breath. Escape...

and try again.

the twelve days of crafty freedom

so today is the first day of twelve that i don't have to even think about work (oh yeah except for having to go in on thursday to work out my new roster cos the slack bastards needed me to kick them in the arse and say 'uh, management? yeah, its me. fix my friggin roster!!!'). Outside of that I am crafting, sleeping and probably eating way too much for the next week or so, then I start at my jewellery making course on monday! WEEEEE!

I've already fixed a necklace, made a pair of earrings and finished one of the last round of petals on my first really good beaded rose. 4 petals to go and then some leaves and i'll post it on deviantart. it may not seem like a big deal, but i had to get books from america to show me how to do it properly!

On the Faellyn front, I'm up to my 5th prototype of her head. just can't get the shape right. I'll work it out. eventually!

In the words of Bug: keep 'em dangly, dogface!

goings on and stuff

sorry again for my slack posting habits. thats what i get for having such a boring life!
well its about to take a bit of a change soon, because in 2 days i will be free from the slave-driving demon that is Wankworths, at least for a week and a half, while i take a week off and then start my jewellery making course on the 18th. its gonna rock so hard! I can't wait. for the week off or the course, that is, both are exciting in their own way.

I'll be spending the week off, between tidying up this place, getting stuck into a range of crafty endeavours as i try to beging building up some variety to my etsy inventory, as well as have a few things prepared for my dear Raedella's very exciting new venture into retail-land. Stay tuned to her blog for more developments of that here. I'll also be working on my entry for this years Swarovski Crystal design competition. I think i mentioned it in a previous blog, but let me recap/ update. I'm making a cloth doll, her name is Faellyn the Mystic, and she's a fairy! Her wings will be wire and crystal, her tiara will be crystal flowers and drops, there'll be crystals in her hair, flatbacks on her dress, a crystal wand, and embroidered butterfly with flatbacks on her hand, flatbacks and embroidery on her shoes and she'll be adorned with wire and gold-thread jewellery also totally festooned with crystals! At the moment I'm still making prototypes of her head and body to get the look and proportions right, but hopefully soon i'll figure it out and can get stuck into all the really fun stuff! Stay tuned here or on my deviantart for work ion progress pics!

take care!