Tuesday, May 01, 2007

crystal let down, Samhain hope

ok, so whose cock do you have to suck at crystal park to get a voters choice award? Sorry if i sound a bit bitter, but as pretty as 'Spring' is, it's not particularly original and not the least bit as exciting as the corset is. Thankyou again to everyone who voted for my work. The wonderful compliments and feedback i got from everyone is greatly appreciated and knowing that a lot of you voted for me makes me feel much less dissapointed than i probably would. There's still the big prize and i still have a few more entries to wow the judges with, so it's not the end of the world, or the competition for that matter!

Over the past 2 weeks as i've settled into the routine of my new job, it has occured to me just how stressed i've been for close onto a year. Anyone whose read this blog, or who knows me at all knows how much i dislike my workplace. I even hate parts of it and the attitudes of certain people in it with a passion. But stability and routine in the least stressful workplace and for the most easy to get along with boss i've ever worked for have combined to help me calm down quite a bit lately, and although i'm tired, i'm not exhausted, stressed out or frustrated like i've become accustomed to being.
This has hit me in 2 ways, and both of them yesterday evening after i'd written my previous blog. The first was in my attitude towards my partner, the wonderful and ever patient Gareth. I honestly don't know why he puts up with me sometimes. I can be a snippy bitch, a spoiled, critical, superior grouchy little bitch. And yet, miracle of miracles, he loves me. His patience and ability to forgive knows no bounds, and i'm so grateful. In a previous post, where i was writing about a then obsession with weddings, i wrote that i had cried on my way to work one morning when thinking about the sort of vows i'd say to him on our wedding day, if the gods should grant us one. I was similarly tearing up today thinking about the same thing. And not to ruin the surprise or anything, but i'm pretty sure the major theme of my vows will be gratitude!
The second reason why i realise i'm relaxing about work and finances, as well as my relationship, is my rekindled consideration of the spiritual aspects of my life. Funny isn't it how if that was the first thing we considered, the other things wouldn't seem that big of a deal, and yet it is the last part of ourselves we give any thought to. It is, here in the southern hemisphere, 1 day before Samhain, or the pagan new year. On this night, the barriers that exist between this realm and the spirit world are the thinnest of all, as the pagan god, consort and son of the goddess, dies and we begin the long winter. It is appropriate that i'm thinking of the craft again at this time of new beginnings and insight, when guidance can be sought from the spirits of ancestors, the full moon allowing for greater, fuller spritual contact, and quiet contemplation of the future as well as respect for the past are foremost at this time. I don't know if i'll write any of what i contemplate tomorrow night in here, as plans for the future, we'll see.

Happy New Year! Merry meet, merry part, merry meet again.

And don't try to think too hard about a pagan who works with meat! I'm not!